I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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