she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
