Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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