sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
