So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
