WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
