You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
