I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
