There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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