I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
