Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
