I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
