never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
