dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
