My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize