i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
