Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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