Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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