I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
