I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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