No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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