and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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