I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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