One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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