I wanna bring you to show and tell
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
