can u get pink eye on your cock?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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