It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize