So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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