So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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