I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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