So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
