im six kinds of drunk right now
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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