You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
