he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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