She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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