Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
