Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize
