You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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