So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
