my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
