i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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