my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just google imaged poop.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
