I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
