i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
