we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
