nut hugger
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
