Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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