zippers are such a cool invention
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
