toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize