I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
