I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
