matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
