Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
