my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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