You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
