Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
