I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
