Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
