I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
