I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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