whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
