i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
