I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
