I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
