Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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