dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Every concussion has its silver lining
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
