the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
