dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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