Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
