Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
